Spinning. Out of Control.


I’ve now done three CYCLEBAR classes.  I’ve reached expert level. If they ask me to guest teach, I won’t be surprised. I’m working on my playlist as we speak.  Please consider the following my official review of indoor cycling and why you should be doing it too.

I tiptoed into spinning maybe six months ago. There are lunchtime classes offered at my gym and I have always wanted to go but have been afraid. I talked Husband into going with me, he reluctantly agreed (you’ll notice this is a pattern in our marriage). The class was good and free (bonus!) The instructor who led the class was a sprite of a woman who played electric German dance music. She gave off a vibe of someone who meditates. Which is totally fine. Totally. I should probably meditate. But people who are one with their chakras don’t play Kesha or Tupac. And THAT is what I need to hear during spin class. I went to a couple of classes, I liked it. I wasn’t in love.

The instructor makes the class.

As fate would have it, a friend from college started teaching at a new spin gym and her Facebook posts intrigued me. I floated the interest out to a couple of friends and luckily, I have another friend who lets me talk her into things and off we went to Amanda’s class. Amanda, by the way, is wickedly smart, funny, beautiful and in great shape. Sounds like a real jerk, right? Agreed. But going against my nature to dislike people who have it all together, I very much like her…for now.

She plays the good stuff. And I sing along. Because you can do that in these super intense gyms. It’s dark and loud, so when AC/DC’s TNT comes on you just shout. Well, I shout. No idea what everyone else is doing.

Speaking of everyone else…I’m not the fastest.

Some people “spin” much faster than normal humans should.

So one surprise I didn’t expect was that you “race” at certain points during the class. You just ride your ass off and then stats pop up on the screen and you see how fast you were compared to the rest of the class.

Scientifically, my legs will go no faster than 135 RPMs. I’ve run the calculations, used my beaker, I CANNOT TURN MY LEGS ANY FASTER. When I channel my inner Elliot and ride like the wind to save my alien friend, I get up to 135 and I look like this.


Do you want to know how fast the “winner” can move his legs? 205. Two hundred. And five. Revolutions per minute. How is that even physically possible? Whatever. That guy is either doping or cheating, he’s not my concern.

You should also be prepared for the sweat.

There is so much sweat. And it’s all coming from you. I’ve never sweat so much in my life. No, wait. I need to amend that statement. The only time I have sweat that much was when I was crawling through an actual pyramid in Egypt. In the desert. No moving air. Small tunnels. It’s important for me to tell you that climbing through a pyramid was not my favorite thing to do.

So there is a lot of sweat. The workout is tough and even if you wanted to quit, your shoes are clipped in, so you have to figure out how to free yourself while Pit Bull is reminding you that he is in fact Mr. Worldwide. That’s a lot of pressure.

At the end of my first class, I looked at my friend and said, “That was kind of terrible. I loved it. We have to keep coming back.”

I think to really get the most out of exercise, it needs to be something you enjoy. Something you walk/limp away from and say, “I’m so glad I did that.” Spinning is that for me. Spinning is my jam.

I’m loyal to my girl Amanda. She’s the DJ I need my life. She’s like DJ Pauly D with better hair. So please join me in her class on Mondays, Wednesdays or Sundays. You’ll hate it and maybe hate me…but afterwards you’ll love us both. We’re like salt and vinegar chips. At first you’ll be unsure, but soon enough you will need us in your life.

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